A Celebration of Life

It hasn't been four months since that dreadful day in March when our world was shaken by a senseless act of violence. The day that Justin was shot and killed has gone down as the saddest, most difficult day in our ten years of marriage.

Every day is marked by a reminder about the tragic loss of Justin's life. I wish I could say that with each memory is a reminder to seize each and every day; we get so very wrapped up in the day-to-day hustle of life that we forget to count our blessings. Even still, we will continue to make an effort to "stop and smell the roses" as often as possible.

Less subtle reminders and bouts of grief are difficult to overcome but help us to recall that dreadful day and recall that life is precious and that Justin made the ultimate sacrifice so that others could make it home at the end of the day.

I can't even begin to imagine the struggles that Nate has had to face in the weeks following Justin's death. He has felt elated because he would be able to see his wife and kids again. He felt guilty because he would be able to see his wife and kids again. He felt afraid because his sense of security was impeded on. He felt saddened because his friend's life was cut short by a senseless act of violence. He felt confused as to what happened and angry because it did happen. And bouts of anxiety and grief have filled in every moment in between.

It has truly been a whirlwind of hardship. We are comforted by incredible family members and friends for whom without, this already hopeless and tragic week would be near impossible to endure.

It's memorials like the one last week that help with the healing process. It's never easy to relive or recall the events, but celebrating Justin's life through memorial is healing.  Last week, on June 26th (what would have been Justin's 33rd Birthday), friends and family gathered at Seven Stones for the celebration of Justin's life and the planting of his tree.

Justin now rests in the root ball of this tree. To the west is a beautiful view of Colorado's backyard and visitors can rest on the rock in the shade of the tree and review the precious memories stored in the medallion.

Looking forward, Nate will continue to heal. He can never undo what happened or unsee the things that he saw. And Justin will never clock-in at work again. Harsh realities will resurface as we move through the year getting through an upcoming trial and recalling the incident as March comes around again.

I pray for continued support from our community and from QED. I pray that Justin's murder is brought to justice. I pray for healing for Justin's family (who are incredibly kind and compassionate people). I pray that Nate and the entire QED family is lifted up as they work to overcome the months of sadness and despair. And I pray that God gives me the strength to support Nate through these difficult times, and that He also gives me the wisdom to take Justin's sacrifice and find the perplexing value in all of this. Justin was a selfless man and although this world is less without him in it, I am grateful that Nate made it home at the end of a very long and difficult day. 

Thank you Justin Doe and may you rest in peace. 

...the greatest of these is love.

I may be biased, but I by far have the best husband of anybody that I know.

I can probably think of a few things about myself that Nate would change--something to do with my addiction to volunteering and perhaps how neglectful I am about turning the oven off after pulling a dish out! I have a million other quirks that emerge as I sit here and think about it--fortunately, I married a man of compassion and grace.

To be fair, Nate has also acknowledged that I'm a patient woman!

Regardless, we love each other, for better or for worse and ten years of marriage is proof of that. Nate and I have come an incredibly long way over the past decade. Career paths have emerged, our family has grown, and our address has changed (four times in ten years). The couple that we were when we got engaged is very different from what we are today. We have grown together, complimented each others strengths and differences and have become a devoted and faithful couple.

In light of recent events and our 10 year anniversary, I think I can speak for both of us and our passion for living life with intent from here on out. We will literally, "stop and smell the roses" and as life brings additional grief and sadness, because that is inevitable, we will be comforted knowing that our marriage is strong and that together, we will overcome any hand that life deals us.

To my kind, charming, patient, warm, steadfast, and ridiculously handsome husband, Happy Anniversary. You love with conviction and I thank God for the day we met. We have walked on this journey for 10 years now and there is no other person I want by my side through whatever adventures (as well as the road blocks) we come to in the years ahead. You're my best friend and soul mate and a girl couldn't ask for anything more.

I love you and am grateful for this moment and every one that lies ahead.

1 Corinthians 13

Entering the Tween Years

Outside of the occasional eye-roll or dirty look, Elizabeth does not fall directly under the definition of a "tween". She has some sass and demonstrates the occasional rebellious attitude, but overall, she doesn't fit the mold of the texting-cheeky-insurgent-iGen tween that many girls her age have succumb to.

In fact, she's rather the opposite. She has a wisdom in her heart that is well beyond her years and her compassion for others is uncompromising.

Nate and I don't worry about Elizabeth and her future. She's destined to make the right choices and do the right thing. I pray that she let's a little trouble find her once in a while and that her passion for others is reflected throughout her life. I pray that her heart continues to grow and that it's never plagued by hate or anguish. I pray that her walk with God is steadfast and ardent.

She is beautiful and strong and as she steps farther into the territories of tween-hood and her teenage years, I pray that her attributes are highlighted and that she is shown the kindness that she so enthusiastically gives to others.

Happy belated 10th Birthday Elizabeth! May you shine as bright as the stars!

(No joke, as I write this, I can hear the girls in the other room. They are playing Wii Tennis and Elizabeth is letting her sister win. She's patient and kind and I love her!)

Fast Forward to 7

I don't know what happened to the last seven years. I believe I've said it before, but for some reason I feel more emotional when my youngest turns another year older (even considering that Elizabeth turned 10 this year). THIS IS SEVEN. And it's the last time one of my kids will turn seven. Next is eight, then nine...No matter how much I'd like it to, time won't slow down for us. We turn milestones like pages in a book. All we can do is pray that we absorb the special moments that we experienced along the way.

So, Abby hit seven in September. This girl has developed into such a passionate, loving, and fiery child. She is a loving and caring friend, cousin, and above all, sister. She adores Elizabeth! Abby is an in describable blessing in our lives and while she often tests the limits of patience, she's also endearing as hell. Her sweet little voice brings joy to my heart and her spirit is strong and inspiring!

Nearly six months later, Happy 7th Birthday sweet Abigail!

Our Chosen Family

Over the years, I have learned more and more to appreciate the value of friendship. It's absolute and strong and unwavering. I can depend on it and while sometimes it takes a little work to maintain a friendship, the gain is ten-fold the stake.

If I google the word friendship, I'm given synonyms such as;

harmony

accord

understanding

rapport

agreement

intimacy

love

closeness

Each of my friendships possess every one of those attributes. One beautiful thing about friendship, however, is that each relationship has unique qualities. Each of my friends are magnificent in her own way.

I have one friend that knows me more than any other, including all of my insecurities. She loves me for who I am.

I have another whose big laugh is contagious as it fills the room--she is genuine and and incredibly strong.

Then there is that gal who is particular fun to giggle with.

There is one who possess unparalleled patience and is an incredibly passionate mother and wife.

They are all strong and love unconditionally--as family would. We make it a point to show our adoration for one another and I am eternally grateful for each moment I have with them.

I don't tell them enough that I cherish them and am proud to call them my chosen family. 

As previously mentioned, I have been slacking on my blog. I hate that I don't have the time to write something about each and every "Ladies' Night" over the past year. But, as this is the case, here is a recap of the many memories I have recently shared with these amazing women.

Watching football together is always a treat! 

Music often brings us together.

Ping-Pong also brings us together! 

'Merica Ladies' Night--we were just begging for a reason to wear our cowgirl boots and pretend that we are red necks. 

Red Rocks also brings people together. Behind many of these amazing women, is an amazing man. I am also thankful for their friendships.

The only friend I have that gets my ass off of the couch! 

 

Poolside friendship is unparalleled.

Power tools have been known to bring us together as well.

On this day, we came together to support a friend in need.

Friends that watch football together, stay together.
Friendships are especially important when your team isn't very good.

Our CU Family!

Friends are irresponsible together.

Friends taste beer together! 

Unless you can ware sweatpants with them, they aren't friends.

It's also fun to dress up with them.

It's these special moments that make me smile.

Wrapping up the year with a great workout and beautiful scenery. 

 I love my friends. They are near and dear to my heart and I thank God for their presence in my life.

I Choose Love

Lately, it's been difficult to cut through all of the crap on Facebook. I believe that people should stand up for what they are passionate about and should voice their opinions. But, I can't help but think that these opinions are driving us farther and farther apart when we live in a time where we should be uniting. 

In this time of tension and hatred, I've been trying to find kindness and goodness. It's hiding and not always easy to find. But it's there and as I work to catch up on my blog (if that's even possible) I find myself counting my blessings and there are more than I can fathom!

It has been quite some time since I've blogged (about seven months to be exact) and that blog 48 Hours of Unknown was about Abby and our little scare that started as a lump on her foot. I recalled the blog yesterday and realized that I set forth goals that were so easily forgotten. Unfortunately, we need constant reminders on how to live in God's image. Where kindness should prevail, we are plagued with selfishness. When love should conquer all, we become guided by hate. Life is short, and fragile and I don't want to live in a world overwhelmed by this hostility and fear. 

I'm not naive nor am I oblivious to the issues that have engulfed all grace and decency in this world. I see it daily, through multiple channels. Rather I chose not to let these issues guide my beliefs and action towards others. My neighbor may rally behind Trump's policies, but that doesn't mean that he's a bad person just because it conflicts with where my beliefs lie. My friend and I might not be on the same page when it comes to gun laws, but she's still my friend. I may not even see eye-to-eye with my husband, but he's still my husband, companion, and best friend, and I respect his opinion and he, in turn, respects mine. 

If we swore off every family member, friend, and acquaintance because of a disagreement or differing religions, politics, religion, race, or favorite food, we would be very lonely. One thing that makes us human is that we are each our own individual. We were created to be unique to one another and I believe that rather than fearing these differences, we should embrace them. 

You should be passionate about what you believe. You should march in opposition when you want to make a difference. You should express your opinion; you should scream it from atop a mountain if it pleases you. But let's do so with dignity, both towards ourselves and towards one another. Let's bring respect back to humanity. Let's love one another again. 

Throughout the election and beyond inauguration, I keep thinking about my children and the world that surrounds them. I'm deeply saddened by what they see. It's difficult to raise children to be kind to one another when they are surrounded by cruelty. God has blessed children with the gift of ignorance. But, as a mother of two daughters, I wonder what they will see when they grow wiser. 

I pray that those around the world will find a way to love again. We all have one thing in common, and that is that we were all created in God's image. Perhaps if we can cut through the different viewpoints, we can ground ourselves enough to recall this fact and shake hands with our neighbors, not necessarily in agreement with one another, but in respect for one another. Life is so much bigger than all of this opposition, I just pray that we can all come to understand this, even if it takes frequent reminders.

I also pray for a world where my children can be passionate about their beliefs without constant resistance and scrutiny. I pray that they can see their passions lived out and that they are met with respect and admiration. 

The future of humanity is in our hands. Choose compassion, faith, and benevolence. 

Above all, Choose Love.